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05 February 2010 @ 01:38 am
"Satisfied" (Lex/Chlex one-shot) PG-13 Angst/General  

TITLE: SATISFIED

CHALLENGE: Naughty-Seduction PG-13 Fanfic Challenge #7 December ‘09/January 2010- Endings and Beginnings

RATING: PG

PAIRING: Chlex

AUTHOR: Lexie aka
lillianschild

A/N: The following ficlet is set in Season 7 and has Cure as its background. It isn't necessary to have seen the episode to enjoy this story, but knowledge of the plot could be useful to understand certain references. You can read a recap here.

 

 

Here I am again; brought back from the brink of death, blessed with a new beginning, wondering for the umpteenth time if this will be the last, if God will give up on me the way I did on Him when he repeatedly denied me the one thing I’ve always wanted.  Lying here in bed my mind brings me back to you and to that question you asked me point-blank induced by the all-powerful feeling of the Levitas serum four years ago. We’re different yet so similar you and I; have you ever stopped to think about that?

We`ve always revelled in our differences; they’re what makes us special and sets us apart from the rest.  We’ve found strength in them to hide our weakness and insecurity from the world when, in truth, normal is what we’ve always wanted to be. The hope of enjoying what he’s always taken for granted in his life is what drove me to lure her away from him; as if by binding her to me I could be granted a new beginning, as if the blackness of the original sin that comes from being born a Luthor could be washed away. The hope of having what she’s always had in him is what’s driven you to this modern magician- this Highlander I tried to kill with my own hands for playing Dr Frankenstein in my backyard. You’ve gone to him seeking a new beginning to secure the love of the one who once took your virginity. You`ve gone to this modern Mandrake, eager to be something that neither you nor I will ever be- normal.

Masks have been second nature to us for years and we’ve grown so used to them that we can no longer take them off in front of the person who’s supposed to be our closest.  Does he know? He can’t or you wouldn’t be risking it all.  Don’t you think it’s funny that you and I, who have become such bitter enemies, can only be ourselves when we’re both alone in the same room? Have you ever wondered why we ended up this way? Do you remember who took the first step, who decided we weren’t worth the promise of a new beginning that summer?  Does your photographer know how lucky he is? I wish he does. I wish your choice to put an end to the burden that is your secret gets you what I wished for you that summer.

This small rural town has been a blessing and a curse all in one.  We came to it as city children, uprooted by fathers who dreamt of a new beginning for us away from the haunting memory of an absent mother and spouse. We arrived with the idea of making this a pit stop on our way to greatness and ended up being pulled by Smallville’s odd gravity. This Kansas corner was the beginning of the road that’s brought us here. It left its indelible mark on us. It tempted us with its rustic charm and its promises of a normal, happy life. The dream was within our grasp for a short while and then like sand it slipped through our fingers, confirming our identity as eternal outsiders whose blood and heart have been marked by the capriciousness of nature.

Life courses through my veins and floods your heart tainted in green, a blessing and a curse all at once. It’s only fitting and proper that I, the one raised by an egomaniacal father, should get the power of self-healing while you- the selfless sidekick- should get the gift of breathing life into others through the touch of your hands. Oh, I know it! Did you think I didn’t? You saved your cousin and gave your life for her. Would you have done the same tonight if you had seen me empty my gun in Knox’s chest? Would you have granted me a new start if Clark hadn’t arrived in time to stop him? This is one of those times when I don’t envy the power you’ve been given. I doubt I’d have spared my life if I’d been in your shoes.

I look at my Napoleon-franc watch- the remembrance of a stage in my life when I was loved- and hope it isn’t too late. Tonight I’ll be your knight in shining armour, but should I let your eternal hero take the credit for saving you just as I did that day a little over three years ago when you were rescued from that foundry? Would you automatically think of some secret agenda if it were me to turn up in the nick of time this once? I’m suddenly tempted not to run the risk of reading distrust in your green eyes again and feel the selfish urge to let you go ahead with your choice. It’s sheer madness, I know, and a desperate gamble but one that would yield infinite possibilities. A blank canvas on which to paint new memories. Another beginning.

The need to have someone in our lives who can see us just as we are and yet love us has made desperate people of us. Dare I mock Him in His face and go back to my Luthor ways? Dare I start formulating the best plan to keep you away from the world that will put you against me as soon as your mindwipe’s accomplished and Dr Knox is disposed of? The thought of a tomorrow different from this hopeless void I find myself in is alluring. The temptation to recapture what I felt and who I was with you that summer is overwhelming all of a sudden. I’m torn in two directions indecisive about the result. I thought she was my last chance to achieve happiness. But what if I was wrong? What if you’ve always been the beginning and the end of it all?

The car pulls up in front of Knox’s office and I close my eyes. I’m assaulted by images of happier times, when the first lines of our story started to be written- casual encounters over a cup of coffee with friends, verbal judo sessions which belied a communion of misunderstood souls we didn’t recognise until later in the game. I remember being blinded by your smile since the beginning, feeling your vibrant youth seep through my pores and reach dormant recesses of my jaded soul. I remember smiling from the heart for the first time in years, using facial muscles which have remained numb since the day we said goodbye at the safe house to close a chapter and start anew.

We, who have always prided ourselves on our strength, gave in to our old insecurities that night and ran away scared, becoming these two strangers who know each other so well and who can’t help but look for ways to hurt the one person that could make us happy. You remember it, don’t you? The moment our lips met I couldn’t tell you from myself. You were my beginning and I was your end. You were my fate and I was your birth. Have you ever experienced that in his arms? I know I’ve never found it again.

I open my eyes and unlock the passenger’s door. My mind’s already made up. I storm into the doctor’s office flanked by my bodyguards to find you gone and, in your place, the young man who introduced you into my life. We measure each other like bloodhounds fighting to be the first to pick up the scent. I fiddle with the iPod in my jacket, toying with the idea of taking the credit this time until my eyes fall on Knox’s pocket watch and my rational self makes an appearance once again. It’s too late to gamble now; there`s no way I could arrive in time to stop the step I know Knox has planned after the procedure you’ve signed in for.

I get to The Victorian Arms in time to see you leave the building sheltered by your best friend. I feel the unfairness of it all oppress my chest. I gave him the clues to be your knight in shining armour. I step out of the vehicle as I look at you from across the street. You’re crying on his shoulder and I can sense the door closing again. I start to turn around to see you suddenly lift your head and look my way. I’m bound to the spot, waiting for a sign. You mouth a word I haven’t heard addressed to me in a long time- thanks. And I see the memory of that summer kiss reflected in your eyes and feel blessed because he arrived in time to have it preserved in your mind.

Happiness is such an elusive creature. Normalcy’s only a mirage.  I sport my first sincere smile in years. Though it’s not a blank canvas, it’s a beginning. This couldn't be further from settling. For now, I’ll start with “satisfied”.

THE END (or the beginning?)

 
 
Current Mood: sleepysleepy
 
 
 
Jengreenlady2 on February 5th, 2010 08:13 am (UTC)
Great story. I love the way you handle the POV.

Also? I hate Clark. :-)))
lillianschild: hurtlillianschild on February 5th, 2010 03:05 pm (UTC)
I share your feelings when it comes to Clark.

I'm happy you enjoyed it and that you appreciated the choice of POV. I love writing in the first person, putting myself in Lex's shoes- and what's more it comes so easy... I wonder, does that make me a sociopath? LOL.
Jengreenlady2 on February 6th, 2010 04:21 am (UTC)
Hee. Well, if you're a sociopath, so am I. :-)))

But I don't think Lex IS a sociopath, just a very damaged person with no support system, trying to make sense out of a totally senseless situation involving a bunch of sociopaths. :-)))
lillianschild: wobblylillianschild on February 6th, 2010 04:30 am (UTC)
I didn't mean Lex was a sociopath; I meant that Clark lovers consider him one and, as a result, I might be regarded as one by them if they happened to stumble upon this post. lol

In my opinion, Lex is a misunderstood young man who's been misjudged by society only because he was born into the wrong family.If I considered him a sociopath, he wouldn't rouse any maternal feelings in me the way he does. Poor love-deprived soul!
Jengreenlady2 on February 6th, 2010 07:04 am (UTC)
Oh, yes, I knew YOU don't think Lex is a sociopath. :-)))

Lex has almost no characteristics of a sociopath, if any. In my opinion, Clark has far more. I know what you mean about the maternal feelings. I just want to give him everything he's ever wanted and needed, and beat to death anyone who ever hurt him. Motherly instincts, you see. :-)))
purple_moon123: Michaelpurple_moon123 on February 5th, 2010 10:41 pm (UTC)
I really love it!! This story is really interesting because of Lex's POV from this episode.

And seriously when has Clark ever figured anything out by himself??? Yeah, I hate him!!
lillianschild: wobblylillianschild on February 5th, 2010 10:51 pm (UTC)
Things are always much more interesting when told from Lex's perspective, aren't they? And, yes, does it show I don't think much of Clark?

I'm glad you got to read it here because I'm afraid the thread of this challenge ended up passing completely unnoticed. :(
purple_moon123: Chlexpurple_moon123 on February 5th, 2010 11:49 pm (UTC)
I find Lex's character much more interesting and fascinating than Clark's.
It's very hard to think much of Clark!!!

:(
green_tea37 on February 6th, 2010 06:20 pm (UTC)
Lex has more depth than Clark does. To paraphase the song, Lex is the ocean and Clark is a creek. Is it just me, or does it seem to you also, that on SV the heroes seem rather shallow?

They're good because thier good (at least according to the SV's skewed definitions)I mean the superheroes...not secondary characters like Chloe...although I don't care for the way they seemed to have turned her into a stalker this season. While the bad guys usually have motivations and backstory that lead to thier actions.
lillianschild: surprisedlillianschild on February 6th, 2010 06:54 pm (UTC)
Is it just me, or does it seem to you also, that on SV the heroes seem rather shallow?

They're good because thier good (at least according to the SV's skewed definitions)I mean the superheroes...


To quote Lex, they're just a band of terrorists in costumes; and- what's worse- they believe themselves to be something else, to be above and beyond the law just because they're the self-called "good guys".They're nothing but a bunch of hypocrites with no scruples worshipping at Clark's altar as if he were some untainted all-perfect he-never-does-wrong he`s-always-justified God.


I don't care for the way they seemed to have turned her into a stalker this season.

I hate what they've been doing to the chararcter in the last seasons. They started messing with her because they knew she was the only thing good left and, just as it`d happened with Lex, they couldn't have anyone steal the show from the alledged leading character and now from the Clois.

I wish Allison had quit this crapstatic show when Michael and John did.




Jenny: Coffeeladydreamer on June 28th, 2010 11:00 pm (UTC)
Aw. :( At least he got a thanks. It always struck me that he and Chloe shared quite a bit in common, both in story and in personality. Both are cerebral, both have the spectre of insanity lurking around the corner, both lost a mother, and both have issues with abandonment and giving too much of themselves. It would have been utterly unsurprising if they had formed a deep connection on the show. It's disappointing that the show never acknowledged their bond or Lex's part in saving her.

Chloe knows that Clark couldn't have figured this out on his own.
lillianschild: faint embracelillianschild on June 28th, 2010 11:14 pm (UTC)
Yes, there are so many similarities in their background and their experiences when it comes to human relationships and getting hurt... It was such a shame the writers/producers threw the potential Chlex had shown in Season 3 down the drain and without giving us even a half-baked explanation. How is that they went from partners to bitter enemies overnight?

What's fascinating is that the similarities and parallelisms don't stop in their pasts but carry on in their present choices. I explored that a little more in three ficlets which I felt compelled to write after Bride.

From Afar: http://lillianschild.livejournal.com/39707.html

Mirror : http://lillianschild.livejournal.com/40204.html (This one focuses on the paralelisms)

and Lean on me: http://lillianschild.livejournal.com/40823.html

Edited at 2010-06-28 11:19 pm (UTC)