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06 November 2009 @ 11:09 am
"Surrender" (Chlex one-shot) PG/PG-13, Drama/Romance  

TITLE: “Surrender”

CHALLENGE: October ´09-
Naughty-Seduction Challenge #5- Abandon

RATING: PG

PAIRING: Chlex

AUTHOR: Lexie aka
lillianschild



I surrender the fight, the fight against myself
I surrender the fight to be someone
The fight to be important


It seems it was only yesterday when she dreamt of carving her own niche in the world of journalism. Now it feels as if her urge to be someone important in the eyes of the one person for whom she´s sacrificed it all has deserted her somehow. She can´t pinpoint the moment everything changed; and now she´s standing on the fringes observing from the lonely anonymity of her Watchtower- invisible and yet all-powerful. She gives in to the cankering worm that´s been lurking inside her and, with a few clicks of her mouse, she moves the pawns on her chessboard.

I surrender the fight to control my life
The fight to control other people


He´s back in the saddle after more than a year away from the helm of his empire. Nobody knows he´s in town, not even the woman who´s been in charge during his absence and dared betray him like everyone else in his twenty-eight years. He was forced to surrender the control of his life and it all went to hell. He´s now determined to get it back- if only to enjoy the transitory illusion that he´s the master of his own destiny.

Standing in front of the panoramic window of his office, he surveys the Metropolis skyline wondering how long he´ll be able to rein in his old urge to behave like the puppet master he once swore he´d never be. He knows he should learn from past mistakes. The slight limp and the inhaler in the pocket of his jacket remind him what cost he´s had to pay in his attempt to control Kal-El´s life and the future of the entire human race.

To my dreams
To my nightmares
To the fears I feel


The Luthor blood in him rebels because surrender has never been part of his lexicon and yet, he´s been offered another chance and the young boy he thought he´d smothered in the fire of his study is struggling to make himself heard again. Lex wonders if it´d be worth it, if he hasn´t already descended too deep to dare imagine redemption could be possible.

To tears in private
To tears in public
What others think of me

She turns off the computer and her eyes fall once again on the invitation she´s been considering throwing in the bin for a week. She fights against the hurt she sworn she left behind and feels the treacherous tears well up in her eyes- tears she was convinced she wouldn´t shed again. She wipes them away, hating herself for momentarily giving in to her old insecurities. Maybe it´s time she faced the world again and showed she doesn´t care someone else´s living her dreams.

I surrender to trying to understand
And just accept
I surrender the need
To be understood and accepted


He´s always been aware of the silences and the stares that follow him wherever he goes. The surprised gasps and then the deadly quiet that accompany his entrance to the reception room doesn´t faze him. There was a time when he cared what people thought of him, when he yearned to be loved and accepted. Now he knows there are some things that might never be. He is who he is and nothing he´ll do or say will change that.

I surrender to my instinct
I surrender to my mind
To my madness
To my insight


He grabs a flute from a passing tray and scans the crowd gathered to honour the two star reporters of The Planet- his very own newspaper. He smiles smugly when he sees the look of utter disbelief and- is it disgust?- on their faces. He knows what it must feel like to be suddenly stolen the spotlight; he´s been left alone in the shadows too many times in favour of the farm boy by his own flesh and blood not to know it. He lets go and savours it.

I surrender my anger
My resentment
I surrender to pretending I don’t have it


She looks at them basking in their new-found love and their triumph and realises she´s been a hypocrite to believe she doesn´t care it isn´t her standing there. She knows what she´s feeling isn´t healthy and she hates it, but she just has to make herself face it to accept that this is who she is now- maybe this is who she´s meant to be all the time.

And then she sees Lex, and their looks lock across the room. There´s a glint in his eye and she knows he knows who she is now because he´s helped shape her; and she no longer cares.

I succumb to the flow

The ride to the top floor of LuthorCorp Plaza is made in complete silence. A silence which stretches into the penthouse and that´s only broken by her moans and his uncharacteristic breathlessness when their lips fuse in a battle of kisses as they abandon themselves to that unresolved sexual tension that´s always sizzled between them.

I surrender to the dark
and the emptiness it brings
To scabs, to healing

He tastes the copper of blood on their lips and then his breath hitches on feeling the warmth of her tongue laving the small cut in his upper lip before she leans forward to start another heady kiss. He knows she might not be here if it weren´t the night it is and yet, he doesn´t want to overanalyse it. She´s in his arms at last and that´s all that matters to him now.

The moment she opens to him, she experiences a sudden urge to look away. The world of feelings reflected in his intense blue-grey eyes is suddenly too much. He fills her and she succumbs. Green clashes with blue. She surrenders, and he lets himself believe.

I surrender to find peace.
I surrender to find freedom
I surrender to this moment


THE END

A/N: I´d like to thank Jill Rey and her poem “I Surrender” for the inspiration.

 
 
Current Mood: exhaustedexhausted
 
 
 
Jengreenlady2 on November 7th, 2009 09:02 pm (UTC)
Great story. I only wish SV would do something like this. :-)))

And I can totally understand Lex's bitterness. Part of it is that he keeps trying to please other people, to conform to their expectations, and this just never works. But he was never given the chance to be himself. Whenever he tried, Lionel interfered, or the people he admired -- like the Kents -- ripped it all down.

I don't believe, either, that the fantasy of Lexmas could ever have worked. It's ridiculous to suggest that if Lex had simply abandoned all his money, and moved to a small town with Lana, that everyone would have accepted him and loved him. It's ludicrous. I mean, he tried something like that in Smallville, if not quite so radically. And look what happened there. Bah! The only thing for Lex to do, is to accept himself, and tell everyone else to go hang. :-)))
lillianschild: purple lightlillianschild on November 7th, 2009 10:40 pm (UTC)
Great story. I only wish SV would do something like this. :-)))

Don´t we all Lex lovers wish it? Unfortunately, they´ll never have the guts. Whenever they had an idea that had great potential they managed to spoil it- not many, but a couple come to mind: Chlexionel or the Chlex alliance of Season 7 that was killed soon after its birth on paper when KK was signed again.

I don't believe, either, that the fantasy of Lexmas could ever have worked.

It might have worked- maybe not with Lana- if he´d moved to a place where nobody knew him (*fat chance*). The stigma of his heritage and people´s prejudice would have followed him I´m sure unless he did something alla Robinson Crusoe.*laughs*



Jengreenlady2 on November 7th, 2009 11:08 pm (UTC)
Yes, Lexmas might have worked if he'd found a place where absolutely no one knew him, and Lionel couldn't find him. How is such a think possible, these days? Unless, as you say, he moved to a deserted desert island. :-)))

But giving up his money, and moving to a small town? Lionel would show up in short order, and start creating doubt in people's minds. He'd drop hints it was all a scam, or something. Then more of Lex's former acquaintances would pay a visit, hinting that Lex had done all kinds of terrible things in the past.

And why would Lana marry poor, small-town Lex, anyway? She married him partly for his money, partly to get back at Clark, and partly to look like a poor, downtrodden martyr. Bleah!
lillianschild: secretlillianschild on November 7th, 2009 11:18 pm (UTC)
And why would Lana marry poor, small-town Lex, anyway? She married him partly for his money, partly to get back at Clark, and partly to look like a poor, downtrodden martyr. Bleah!

Oh, my fellow-Chlexers on Naughty Seduction would have given you a big hug for these words!

You know, I never thought Lana was worthy of Lex- not even of Clark (and I don´t like him that much)- but she seemed to genuinely love Lex or, at least,care for him in the last episodes of Season 5 and the first bunch of season 6. Then, as it´s customary on SV, they did their utmost to trash everything positive they had done with her character and made me hate her even more.*ugh*

They should have let Lex be and come up with someone of his own league. Either provide him with the love of a *really* good woman or let him kick some serious ass alongside a worthy partner- why not Chloe? Yeah, I know, in my dreams" Whatever...
vagrantdream: alphageekvagrantdream on November 28th, 2009 10:25 pm (UTC)
I love the ending to this-it's beautiful and poetic.

She surrenders, and he lets himself believe.
Hope, what SV completely misses the ball on.

And I have such love for poem fics. I am currently looking this up because i can see how it would inspire you.

Also, I really really like your Lex characterization here!
lillianschild: smilelillianschild on November 28th, 2009 10:47 pm (UTC)
Thanks for your kind words, Laura. I´m glad you enjoyed it. And, yes, I do find poetry inspirational, particularly when my muse rebels. :)

If you liked the use of the poem here, you might want to have a look at another brief one-shot that helped me won last August´s NS Fanfic Challenge. It´s called "A Modern Persephone": http://lillianschild.livejournal.com/49402.html